


afterwards

by sparkthisshit



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, i dont know what im doing ever, just need angsty boys, weird timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 01:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14438121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkthisshit/pseuds/sparkthisshit
Summary: its hard for Newt to recover, and its hard for Hermann to help him when he has outbursts





	afterwards

**Author's Note:**

> i literally saw an angsty post on tumblr and went 'now i must do this' so.. have fun reading this horrendous bs

Hermann sat quietly at his desk, looking out the window of his at-home office. After what he and Newt had been through, he wanted something positive to associate with his work. So, he ended up getting a nice apartment in Seattle, with a view of the city that could only be described as dreamlike.

The city lights seemed to stretch for miles, and cars passed like ladybugs crawling across the Earth. It helped Hermann forget...everything. So, he was understandably aggravated when there was a knock on his apartment door Before getting up, Hermann looked at the city just one more time, appreciating the way the night sky seemed to really compliment the whole calming atmosphere brought on by the skyscrapers and busy streets. He sighed, and then reluctantly pushed himself up, grabbing his cane before strolling to the door. 

When he opened it, he smiled widely. It was Newton, of course. All of the stress and aggression of the day seemed long gone as he allowed Newton in and embraced him softly.

"How was therapy, Newt?" Hermann asked softly, dreading Newt's response. Newt was not very fond of the therapeutic treatment that he was required to accept after his possession. This being said, Hermann silently hoped there would be a day where Newton accepted it, and was okay with it. But, it seemed that that day would not be today.

"I don't really wanna talk about it, Hermann. So, what have you been up to?" Newt inquired, changing the subject as fast as he possibly could. Hermann could tell that therapy made him very uncomfortable. Newton wasn't exactly the type of person to open up to total strangers. Hell, it took him years to open up to Hermann. But, since Newton was forced into it, he truly had no choice. 

"Not much, really. Same old, boring mathematics." Hermann lied. In fact, Hermann hadn't done anything important or work-related that day. Hermann had just stared out the window, gazing down at the pedestrians scurrying along the sidewalks. It helped him forget what happened. It helped him forget the incident. 

"Oh, I'm sure there's more than that. C'mon, let me see what you've worked on." Newt encouraged Hermann eagerly. Hermann paused. What was he to do now? Should he show Newtonn some old work that he might not remember, or should he be honest with him. To be frank, Hermann and Newton haven't been honest with each other in a while. Hermann looked hard at Newt. The two of them hadn't talked about the accident since it happened.

The accident.

Fingers, grasping Hermann's throat.

Newtonn smiling, then crying, then smiling again. 

Hermann begging him, please, no, you're stronger than this.

"Hermann? Hey, we don't have to look at your work if you don't want to." Newt reassured him. Hermann sighed, smiling weakly at Newt. 

"Thank you," Hermann hesitated, "I've actually been rather...unproductive today." As soon as Hermann admitted it, Newton looked concerned. 

"What do you mean, Herms? You love that math shit." Newt joked, despite his genuine concern being strongly evident on his face. Hermann sighed, and motioned for Newt to sit down at the dining room table. Newt obliged, and Hermann sat down directly across from him. 

"Newton, I believe we should talk." Hermann started apprehensively, watching emotion after emotion cross Newt's face. First confusion, then concern came back, then nerve overcame them both.

"What about?" Newt asked. Hermann looked down at the table, examining the wooden finish with hesitant eyes.

"I believe we should talk about the Precursors." Hermann mumbled, just loud enough for Newton to hear. Hermann could see out of the corner of his eye that Newtonn was taken aback by this. Hermann went to grab Newton's hand, but the latter pulled back in a sudden heat of anger. 

"I'd really rather not, Hermann. Please, let's just talk about anything else." Newton said, standing from the table and striding quickly over to the living room. Hermann, sighing defeatedly, followed him. Newton sat down on the black couch, taking his dress shoes off. Hermann watched these movements closely. Newton's hands were shaking slightly. From his experience, Hermann knew to keep his distance when Newton began to get angry. The first sign of Newton's oncoming anger is him becoming very irritable, which was just observed when he stormed away from the table. The second sign was when his hands began to shake. It was always when his hands began to shake, because he was trying his hardest to hold on to every bit of anger that was inside of him, but at times that was difficult, and it sent him into overdrive. Hermann didn't want to think of any more signs of Newton's anger. 

The two sat silently for a moment before Hermann picked up the TV remote and turned on the flat screen television that hung on the walk in front of them. Hermann, however, couldn't bring himself to focus on any television program, so he quietly got up to leave. Then, he felt a hand on his arm.

The accident.

Newton's fingers, grasping Hermann's throat.

He quickly pulled his arm away, stumbling slightly as he did so. After he did this, he realized how awful a mistake he just made. He turned to look at Newton. A mix of embarrassment and disappointment had claimed Newt's face, and Hermann couldn't help but feel an abundance of guilt.

"Oh, Newton. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to react like that, I was j-" 

"No, it doesn't fucking matter, alright?" Newt responded viciously. Hermann couldn't help but feel anxiety when he looked at the enraged stance Newt took. His eyes filled with venom and his lips turned in a snarl. For a moment he looked like... 

Newton smiling, then crying, then smiling again. 

Hermann couldn't help but tear up, and he quickly turned away, grabbing a tissue to dab at his eyes with. He didn't like seeing Newton like this. It brought back too much for Hermann to handle. It scrounged up memories that Hermann had been trying for so long to forget. But, with Newt like this, those memories resurfaced in minutes. 

"Just so you know, I am not the fucking Precursors, Hermann. I am getting better, and it sucks that you don't even realize it. Sometimes, I just wish you'd give a damn about how I feel." Newton grumbled, before stalking off angrily. And then... 

Hermann begging him, please, no, you're stronger than this.  
c   
"Newton, please don't walk away right now, I-" Hermann's pleas were cut short by the slam of the bedroom door. Hermann sighed shakily before sitting back down on the couch. His bottom lip trembled as he tried to keep himself from crying. He hated it when he fought with Newton. Yes, sure, they still had the petty disagreements and conflicts that they'd always had, but recently their sparrs had escalated. Hermann attributed it to their occasional lack of being open and honest with each other. But, it was mostly the accident.

Hermann dreaded just the thought of it, but it still managed to sneak into his mind quite often anyway. The general feeling of asphyxiation; the tightness around the throat, and air being squeezed from the lungs. The look that occupied Newton's eye; such blatant emptiness, that just the thought of it made Hermann shutter. The words that Newton said; "I'm sorry, Hermann; They're in my head." 

Hermann sobbed suddenly, the memories overwhelming him completely. He hated thinking of Newt in this way, as he knew how it only escalated Newton's anger further, but he couldn't help it. For Hermann at that point in time, while being choked out, that was Newton. The same man who he had shared a lab with, and shared a drift with. Or, at least, it was the same body that Hermann had been acquainted with. 

At the moment, Hermann was stressed. He knew what he was doing to upset Newt, but it was difficult to stop. Hermann couldn't quell the thoughts in his head, the ones in which Newt was still possessed, and still looking to kill Hermann. As tears ran down his face, he looked to the side, his eye catching a framed photo of him and Newt. 

In the picture, Newton was gazing happily at Hermann, and Hermann was barely holding in a smile himself while looking at the camera. Hermann looked at it longingly--it had been taken before the accident. Hermann returned his gaze downward and put his head in his hands. He cried softly now, opposed to the sobs that he emitted just moments ago. 

He cried for the years that he and Newt had spent as penpals, the years that they had spent hating each other, and for the years that they spent apart. But most of all, he cried for the years that he began to fall in love with Newton, and the specific moments that had set off fireworks in his heart. 

Then, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He hadn't heard Newton exit the bedroom but, sure enough, there he was, teary-eyed and sympathetic.

No 'I'm sorry' was said. Instead, Newton just pulled Hermann into a loving embrace. Hermann sighed shakily into his chest, reaching his hands up to entangle in Newt's hair. 

They sat there silently, understanding and accepting each other. They were never going to get better after what happened. Not fully, at least. 

Not after the accident.


End file.
